The adventures of an unlikely pair. Follow us if you dare....

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

The One Where I Feel Completely Out Of Sorts

I don’t adjust well to change; it’s something that I am aware of and therefore make every effort to improve that part of me but mostly I’m just a creature of habit and really struggle with any type of change. Even small changes like doing a different workout on a different day than I usually do or mixing up my morning routine can really throw me off for the whole day. I try hard not to let it control me and I try very hard to remain a flexible person but bottom line is I thrive on consistency.

Needless to say marriage has really disrupted my normal way of living; but don’t get me wrong, it’s for the better I am just having a much harder time than other’s settling into it. Adjusting not only to a new house and new bathroom and kitchen and new routine but also living WITH someone else is hard.

It’s hard to wake up at 5:00am when my husband gets to sleep for at least 2 more hours. It’s hard to try and be quiet as I shower and blow dry my hair (and let’s face it, that’s just not quiet at all!) and it’s hard getting dressed with very little light so as not to disturb him any more than I have to.

It’s hard to not have my doggies with me in the mornings since they now sleep in their kennel and it’s hard to adjust to a new kitchen and just my overall morning routine.

And all of this has really just left me feeling out of sorts during my whole day. I’ve been a mess and all over the place ever since we got back from our honeymoon and our trip to Indianapolis. I haven’t been able to settle into a new to me routine where I feel comfortable and productive and like I’m on top of my day. Instead I feel like most days I’m just dragging through my days trying to stay afloat so that I can try again tomorrow.

For example, I have the ability and convenience of riding public transportation to and from work, it generally takes about a half hour longer each way but its cheap and effective and I’m able to read and relax. But lately I’ve been opting to sleep the extra half hour and then hurry out the door and drive into work, barely making here on time each day, not a great way to start my day. It’s nice to have that little bit of extra sleep and it’s nice to have a little bit more flexibility than the train schedule allows but the gas adds up and I feel so much better when I stick with my normal routine of riding the train that I really need to not drive into work.

Subsequently when one part of my day is out of whack the rest seems to follow suit, for example my eating habits. While I have cleaned up my diet tremendously from what it was while on our honeymoon and Indy trip it still isn’t perfect. I find myself snacking a little more than normal for that extra pick-me-up that is required due to the way my day started. And I am definitely drinking way too many calories! I have been holding strong to my New Year’s Resolution of no soda for a whole year, it’s been 6 whole months and I haven’t had any at all! But the sweet tea has become my drug of choice to get me through my days and it has GOT to stop! Starting next week on July 1st I’m making a change there for sure.

And working out, well that’s getting better but it’s still not great. This past winter and spring I had a weekly schedule all nailed down that worked great for me. I had gym time, running, cross training and it all fit and I made it happen. But now that we have switched gyms I’m still feeling that out and trying to find a new normal at this gym. I am also trying to be flexible in my workouts to help Alex find a routine as well so that’s make it hard to find my own balance. I’m trying to take advantage of working out with Alex while we can (before he starts law school this fall) so I’m trying not to stress too much about it and enjoy our time to work out together but I am really craving my pre-wedding body and motivation. Thankfully on July 1st I start half marathon training again and that will also be the pre-training for my late fall marathon that I will tell you about later this week, so hopefully things will start falling into place.

Anyways, all this post really is, is me complaining about how my type-A personality doesn’t like the lack of control I seem to have on my new routine. I know that I will work through it and that I will find that new normal very soon but for the moment I am frustrated. I love being married and sharing my life, I really, really do; I could not ask for a better husband who affords me the time to work these things out and who is patient with me when I complain about how hard adjusting seems to be. He doesn’t take things personally and for that I am very grateful. Honestly part of my problem is I like spending so much time with him, I’d much rather do that than go to bed at a decent hour or go for a run or wake up an extra half hour earlier but life must go on and I know that eventually we will find the rhythm that works for us.

Are there any married people out there who had a hard time adjusting to their new life like me or am I the only one?

Any tips on how to make it easier?


Kim Turner said...

You are completely normal!! It is a hard adjustment, and like you said, not because it's bad - just a lot of change and a whole new learning curve. It will get much better - just hang in there and give yourself some slack when you need to (like driving instead of taking the public transport!).

Katie Adams said...

Oh girl, I feel you! I'm 10 months into being married and even though we lived together beforehand, it was a huge adjustment! But, after 10 months and a whole lot of patience I finally feel in my groove. Feel free to email me and I'll give you more tips, OR I could do a post on it for you! :)

Becca @ Life as a Fitzgerald said...

I'm not really a Type-A like you, but it is hard adjusting. I've been married for 2 years and there are still some things that are hard. I totally understand the getting ready in the dark thing. I have to do that too and it really is hard!! I'm not a morning workout person. I have to be at work at 7am, so I really just don't want to get up at 4:30am to workout. Usually I will do it at night, but I hate leaving the hubs b/c it means less time with him. It was really hard to do that when we first got married, but even 2 years later it is still hard. I guess sometimes you have to be a little selfish and do something for you. It's great that your husband workouts with you!! My husband works a physical job and the last thing he wants to do is workout. But I work a desk job and need to workout! I honestly think the hardest is the first few months after marriage, just adjusting and trying to get yourself on a schedule. It will get better, but it takes time!

armyamy said...

I just had to chime in to say this is normal, totally normal. I didn't go through it when we got married, but when my husband came home after deployment, this was me to a tee! I had spent that year living alone for the first time in my life and developing routines routines routines. It adds a layer of complexity when you feel the stress/weirdness during a happy time. It doesn't mean you aren't happy; it just means you are adjusting.

I can also totally relate to wanting to spend as much time together as possible. (You're singing my song today!) For me, it comes down to priorities. If I have a big race goal, working out is my priority and I do it in my time, when it's convenient for me. If he's got field time coming up and we are going to be apart, our togetherness is my priority. That means that I won't be working out as much as normal, but I make that choice and accept it. It's tough for this ocd, type A lady, but I make it work.

Jameil said...

I'll add to the normal theme. You're now living a completely different life! How could it not feel unnerving even while it's exciting?? I know the feeling of wanting to be around your husband all the time and simultaneously needing some time to yourself, too. Don't be afraid to take some time. You know he's not going anywhere!

On getting dressed in the dark, is it possible to get dressed in another room or bathroom? That would make it easier for me. I need light to wake up and having to tip toe around is not fun.

Suz and Allan said...

Marriage is a huge adjustment and as long as you guys are both willing to compromise on some things and continue communicating when something about the schedule, house, workouts, etc. isn't working for you then you'll be fine! Honestly Allan and I do a lot of things without the other one. We both prefer working out alone and running alone since we run at different paces. If he works out after work then he drinks a protein shake and eats a light dinner around 7 or 8. I'm starving by 6 so on those nights we don't eat together.

Figure out what works for you as a couple and go with it. Every couple is different!

Curly Pink Runner said...

New routines are always tough to navigate! Hang in there, it will get easier!!

Anna @ The Things I'm Learning said...

I totally feel you! I'm definitely a creature of habit and it was (and some now) an adjustment. And like you, it's mostly because I just love spending time with my husband! Becoming a wife and a mom (I have two young step-sons, but we don't use the step word - they're my sons) at the same time is amazing, but there's also an adjustment. Don't feel bad about it!