So I have no idea what’s wrong with me; maybe it’s the heat, maybe it’s work, or just something else, but I haven’t felt myself the past few days. I am completely lacking in all motivation. I feel I have no energy, and I even went to bed at 8 o’clock last night! I know I have talked about motivation before and things I do to help move past the lack of it, but right now nothing is working. I have a race on Saturday, and to be honest, I could care less right now. I mean I care that I do well, but I could care less that I am basically skipping any and all workouts all week long. Maybe I wore myself out this weekend? Maybe it’s the horrible sinus infection crap that has my left eye swollen and sensitive? Maybe it’s that it’s 100+ degrees outside everyday starting at 8:00am?
I debated even writing a post at all today, mainly because I feel people don’t want to hear me whine and complain. But then I thought better of and decided that this is a true side of me that everyone should see and I feel that it’s ok to have moments (weeks of time) where you are truly lacking and can’t find your groove.
I feel frustrated at this though, for obvious reasons. Of course I’m frustrated, I’m not giving my all, that’s what I do to myself. Last week I stuck with a 1700 calorie a day meal plan and I felt wonderful all week, success!!! Last week I worked out really hard (minus the social run), success!!! But this week, there are no remnants of that motivation left and I feel empty.
I am trying to listen to my body, yet draw the line at lazy. I’m learning I can relax and stop harassing myself about small things, yet I always want to improve. So here is the real me, caught in between the desire for betterment and focus and just plain learning to take a few breaths here and there.
I would love to be able to write and tell you all that I ran 4 miles last night and it felt great. I would love to write and tell you all that I’m excited to be closing out this 6-week cycle of training and I’m already making a new one. I would love to be able to write about all the new strength training workouts I’m concocting, but instead here I am simply telling you that I am a human with highs, lows and many variations of the such.
I’m hoping that Saturday’s race will pull me out of a rut. I miss my running friends and want to just have a good time and run with them. I don’t think that I’m burnt out, far from it; I’m just in a rut, a deep one. However, I value this as part of my training; I need to learn when my moments of weakness will approach me. I need to learn how to handle them and move past them. And I need to learn to live with moments of down time. Hopefully this post is something you can all relate to, if not, you’re a strange human being. I know I will pull through and be back to work out posts in no time. But thanks for sticking through this with me anyways!