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Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The one where I just feel blah!

So I have no idea what’s wrong with me; maybe it’s the heat, maybe it’s work, or just something else, but I haven’t felt myself the past few days. I am completely lacking in all motivation. I feel I have no energy, and I even went to bed at 8 o’clock last night! I know I have talked about motivation before and things I do to help move past the lack of it, but right now nothing is working. I have a race on Saturday, and to be honest, I could care less right now. I mean I care that I do well, but I could care less that I am basically skipping any and all workouts all week long. Maybe I wore myself out this weekend? Maybe it’s the horrible sinus infection crap that has my left eye swollen and sensitive? Maybe it’s that it’s 100+ degrees outside everyday starting at 8:00am?
I debated even writing a post at all today, mainly because I feel people don’t want to hear me whine and complain. But then I thought better of and decided that this is a true side of me that everyone should see and I feel that it’s ok to have moments (weeks of time) where you are truly lacking and can’t find your groove.
I feel frustrated at this though, for obvious reasons. Of course I’m frustrated, I’m not giving my all, that’s what I do to myself. Last week I stuck with a 1700 calorie a day meal plan and I felt wonderful all week, success!!! Last week I worked out really hard (minus the social run), success!!! But this week, there are no remnants of that motivation left and I feel empty.
I am trying to listen to my body, yet draw the line at lazy. I’m learning I can relax and stop harassing myself about small things, yet I always want to improve. So here is the real me, caught in between the desire for betterment and focus and just plain learning to take a few breaths here and there.
I would love to be able to write and tell you all that I ran 4 miles last night and it felt great. I would love to write and tell you all that I’m excited to be closing out this 6-week cycle of training and I’m already making a new one. I would love to be able to write about all the new strength training workouts I’m concocting, but instead here I am simply telling you that I am a human with highs, lows and many variations of the such.
I’m hoping that Saturday’s race will pull me out of a rut. I miss my running friends and want to just have a good time and run with them. I don’t think that I’m burnt out, far from it; I’m just in a rut, a deep one. However, I value this as part of my training; I need to learn when my moments of weakness will approach me. I need to learn how to handle them and move past them. And I need to learn to live with moments of down time. Hopefully this post is something you can all relate to, if not, you’re a strange human being. I know I will pull through and be back to work out posts in no time. But thanks for sticking through this with me anyways!

2 comments:

Erin said...

I know how you feel; I definitely go through cycles with my running where I feel super motivated and then cycles when I feel completely unmotivated. Also, the heat has been extremely draining this summer; it definitely makes it hard to get excited about going out and running. Listen to your body and don't sweat missing workouts. No use in trudging through them. I'm sure you'll get your mojo back soon!

Sean and Rain Gowens said...

What race are you running this weekend? I agree with Erin this heat and humidity is brutal...and really makes you put the extra effort to just get out there! Take a break :) You deserve it, from what I have been reading you have been really working out a lot! Glad I found your blog again!